GCSE Exam
The following questions were set in a year's GCSE examination in Swindon, Wiltshire ( U.K. ) These are genuine answers (from 16 year olds)
Q. Name the four seasons
A. Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar
Q. Explain one of the processes by which
water can be made safe to drink
A. Flirtation makes water safe to drink
because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and
canoeists
Q. How is dew formed
A. The sun shines down on the leaves and
makes them perspire
Q. What causes the tides in the oceans
A. The tides are a fight between the earth
and the moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no
water on the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins
the fight
Q. What guarantees may a mortgage company
insist on
A. If you are buying a house they will
insist that you are well endowed
Q. In a democratic society, how important
are elections
A. Very important. Sex can only happen
when a male gets an election
Q. What are steroids
A. Things for keeping carpets still
on the stairs
Q. What happens to your body as you age
A. When you get old, so do your bowels and
you get intercontinental
Q. What happens to a boy when he reaches
puberty
A. He says goodbye to his boyhood
and looks forward to his adultery
Q. Name a major disease associated with
cigarettes
A. Premature death
Q. What is artificial insemination
A. When the farmer does it to the bull
instead of the cow
Q. How can you delay milk turning sour
A. Keep it in the cow
Q. How are the main 20 parts of the body
categorised (e.g. The abdomen)
A. The body is consisted into 3 parts -
the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the
brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs and the
abdominal cavity contains the five bowels: A, E, I, O and U
Q. What is the fibula?
A. A small lie
Q. What does 'varicose' mean?
A. Nearby
Q. What is the most common form of birth
control
A. Most people prevent contraception
by wearing a condominium
Q. Give the meaning of the term
'Caesarean section'
A. The caesarean section is a district in
Rome
Q. What is a seizure?
A. A Roman Emperor.
Q. What is a terminal illness
A. When you are sick at the airport.
Q. Give an example of a fungus. What is a
characteristic feature?
A. Mushrooms. They always grow in damp
places and they look like umbrellas
Q. Use the word 'judicious' in a sentence
to show you understand its meaning
A. Hands that judicious (do dishes) can be soft
as your face.
Q. What does the word 'benign' mean?
A. Benign is what you will be after you be
eight
The following questions were set in a year's GCSE examination in Swindon, Wiltshire ( U.K. ) These are genuine answers (from 16 year olds)Q. Name the four seasons
A. Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar
Q. Explain one of the processes by which
water can be made safe to drink
A. Flirtation makes water safe to drink
because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and
canoeists
Q. How is dew formed
A. The sun shines down on the leaves and
makes them perspire
Q. What causes the tides in the oceans
A. The tides are a fight between the earth
and the moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no
water on the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins
the fight
Q. What guarantees may a mortgage company
insist on
A. If you are buying a house they will
insist that you are well endowed
Q. In a democratic society, how important
are elections
A. Very important. Sex can only happen
when a male gets an election
Q. What are steroids
A. Things for keeping carpets still
on the stairs
Q. What happens to your body as you age
A. When you get old, so do your bowels and
you get intercontinental
Q. What happens to a boy when he reaches
puberty
A. He says goodbye to his boyhood
and looks forward to his adultery
Q. Name a major disease associated with
cigarettes
A. Premature death
Q. What is artificial insemination
A. When the farmer does it to the bull
instead of the cow
Q. How can you delay milk turning sour
A. Keep it in the cow
Q. How are the main 20 parts of the body
categorised (e.g. The abdomen)
A. The body is consisted into 3 parts -
the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the
brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs and the
abdominal cavity contains the five bowels: A, E, I, O and U
Q. What is the fibula?
A. A small lie
Q. What does 'varicose' mean?
A. Nearby
Q. What is the most common form of birth
control
A. Most people prevent contraception
by wearing a condominium
Q. Give the meaning of the term
'Caesarean section'
A. The caesarean section is a district in
Rome
Q. What is a seizure?
A. A Roman Emperor.
Q. What is a terminal illness
A. When you are sick at the airport.
Q. Give an example of a fungus. What is a
characteristic feature?
A. Mushrooms. They always grow in damp
places and they look like umbrellas
Q. Use the word 'judicious' in a sentence
to show you understand its meaning
A. Hands that judicious (do dishes) can be soft
as your face.
Q. What does the word 'benign' mean?
A. Benign is what you will be after you be
eight
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